The more things change.
He went to sleep. Decidedly cold and uncomfortable - he thought about leaving if it wasn’t for the company he kept. A simple girl who didn’t ask for much, but wanted him there. Often drifting off and thinking about the goings-on, he stopped to occasionally remind himself that the makeshift bed he slept in was akin to a grave. Underground and lonely, he often asked why he was there. Besides thinking about his failed attempts at love, his nights were occupied with the trouble that lay before him. Here was a woman who loved him, and he knew in his hearts of hearts that this wasn’t what he wanted.
Always waiting for something in the distance, he knew the time he shared with anyone was a lie, and what he didn’t want, or, did see for himself in the future. After a long stint working on himself and the world around him, he thought the world owed him something. Not material objects, or money, but experiences that should have been worthy of the work. And at this time, the work was all he had - and he often wondered if the work was all he was going to have. To him, the work was sacrifice. It was being lonely, and that was the way it was. Simple, he thought.
That was the way it had to be done and there was nothing he can do about it. But the constant nagging in the back of his head told him otherwise. He wasn’t doing the right thing, and as he focused on his small microcosm of literary work, the world was passing him by. The liquor he drank, the drugs he took, even the way he walked. All felt selfish and greedy. As if he wasn’t doing these things and realizing it, but dragging along until what he wanted came to fruition. But what did he want? A big bang screaming his name?
